Focusing on what you can Control: My New Life Superpower

BLUF: Focusing on the things in your life that you can control to energize yourself into taking action. When you know all actions taken are achievable you stay motivated and in problem solving mode. Not worrying about the things that you can’t control will make you happier by freeing your mind of anxiety and doubt.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”

Epictetus, Discourses

2020 was a tough year for most people. The pandemic turned our world upside down and we were restricted from living our lives in a variety of ways. There were many feelings of helplessness and anxiety over these world events that all felt outside of our control. One positive of that year was more time to read and by sheer luck I came across a concept called the trichotomy of control that would change my whole outlook on life.

Trichotomy of Control

The trichotomy of control is a concept that comes from an ancient Greek school of philosophy called Stoicism. I have Mr. Money Mustache and this post to thank for introducing the concept. I know, it sounds like some academic concept that doesn’t apply to real life but it actually does. The idea is that all things in life can be put in three different buckets:

1. Things that we have no control over
2. Things that we have complete control over
3. Things that we have some control over

Things we have no control over

There are a lot of things that we actually have no control over and many are related to our external world.

• Other people – unless you have some special puppet master abilities. As much we’d like to control the actions of others sometimes, we can’t.
• Nature – a pandemic, earth quake, hurricane, asteroid heading at earth.
• Genetics – no control over what you were born with, however feel free to blame your parents if it makes you feel better.
• The Past – as much as sometimes we want to, the past has happened, never to be changed. The Stoics argue that you can’t change the present either as it’s instantly happening and then becoming the past.
• External events – probably either nature, the actions or others or a combination. This is really anything around us in the world that is just happening.

Things we have complete control over

“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing.”

Epictetus, Enchiridion

In the end what we think and what we physically do are what we have complete control over. Said another way, our thoughts and actions. Don’t get me wrong, just because thoughts and actions are in our control doesn’t mean controlling them is easy. You have complete control over how you react when someone insults you but it doesn’t make it easy to walk away if they hurt your pride.

Things we have some control over

Many complex events and life situations end up falling into the bucket of some control. The key here is to recognize that and break down a complex concept into its actionable pieces that can be put into the bucket of full control. You may find it helpful to think through items in the “no control” bucket but I haven’t found that to be of much value to me.

I think it’s most helpful to explore this concept with some real world examples.

Putting the idea into practice

Example: I want a promotion at work

I brought up this example in my goal setting post. I didn’t explicitly talk about Stoicism or the trichotomy of control there but that’s the tool that I was using. Most people want to advance in their career but it’s important to focus on the things that are within our control. Being a manager at a large company myself I’ve been through this process many times.

Let’s break down a goal of getting promoted at work into the components that you can and cannot control.

Things you can control:

• How hard you work and how well you perform – If it’s a true performance based work environment then how you perform is critical to having any shot of a promotion. As Steve Martin once said “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
• Making your manager aware of everything you do (sell yourself) – To get promoted a manager usually has to submit paperwork with justification for a promotion. Getting promoted is really convincing two or more people that you deserve it. Selling your manager (1) that you deserve it with evidence to prove it. Your manager selling his manager (2) or a promotion review board (2+ people) that you deserve it. Your manager risks a personal reputation hit if they put forth a weakly justified promotion request.
• Acquiring the skills and experience needed for the position – The best candidate for a position is the one that has the highest probability of being successful if chosen. Work on the skills and gain the experience needed in advance to make you the best option on paper.
• Making others aware of what you want – Do other people know that you’re looking to take on greater responsibility? Change jobs? It may seem obvious but you need to let people know what your aspirations are or you may never be considered.
• Looking for other positions that come with a promotion – If there are no open positions above you to fill, look in other parts of the company where the position comes with a promotion. Maybe this means looking at other companies because there are no internal opportunities.

Things you can’t control:

• If the job you want is available – Sometimes the job you want is not a “promotion in place” job. Someone else might be performing the higher responsibility role that you need to be promoted. You can’t control when someone will leave so you would need to wait for the position to open.
• The selection process for an open position – Someone less qualified could be chosen for the position just by their networked connections. The best friend of the CEO or your managers work buddy, for example.
• If a promotion is currently possible – Maybe the company is in financially rough shape and promotions have been frozen. Maybe there are too many promotions this quarter or year. Maybe there’s a promotion limit and your case wasn’t strong enough to make the cut this time. There can be a multitude of reasons why a promotion is roadblocked at the moment.

At this point start taking action on all the things that you can control. If you do all the things possible in your control in your current position and nothing happens then you need to decide if you’re willing to look elsewhere. Again, focus on what you can do.

Example: I’m afraid of being fired… and not having the money to live.

Many people have the fear of being fired. That’s really not the root the fear though as the wealthy aren’t worried about this happening. As much as you may love your coffee break gossip or Monday morning quarterbacking, most aren’t worried about being fired because of losing at work friends. It’s a financial concern.

Most people live paycheck to paycheck. A poll done by Charles Schwab in 2019 showed that 59% of adults live paycheck to paycheck. Yikes. It should be no wonder then why people stress about a potential job loss. They don’t have the savings to pay all life expenses until they can find a new job.

Things you can control:

• Create an emergency fund – A buffer of either available cash or credit that you can tap to pay for all life expenses until you find a new job. Many sources recommend a 3-6 month fund but how much is situational and depends on how many earners you have, how long you think it will take to be rehired, your mobility/flexibility and your risk tolerance. Future post alert, I’ll dive deep on this topic soon.
• Your job performance at work – Unless your entire company collapses in an unexpected ball of flame (Enron style), layoffs happen progressively and somewhat predictably. The best performers with skills most helpful to the future success of the company are usually the last ones to be let go.
• Be likable – Research discussed in this article states that: “Likeable people are more likely to be hired, to be listened to, to have colleagues offer help and to be promoted. Research by Northwestern’s Lauren Rivera found that where backgrounds and skills of job candidates are similar, the person seen as more likeable gets hired almost 90 per cent of the time. And a study at the University of Massachusetts found that when likeable managers present plausible arguments, even colleagues who disagree tend to buy into their recommendations.” Wow! It pays to be likeable. Sounds like something to add to that to-do list for people that want to be promoted too.
• Not committing a fire-able offense at work – No matter how good you are at your job, most companies have certain policies that will get you fired if broken. Learn what they are and don’t do them. Stealing in any form is usually a no-brainer. I don’t just mean stealing money, Office Space style for example. I mean stealing anything. Lying on your timecard, lying on your expense report, physically taking company property…the list goes on.

Things you can’t control:

• Your company falls on tough times and they go bankrupt – The 2020 pandemic bankrupted many companies at no fault of the employees.
• Your company merges with another resulting in layoffs – In 2020 Schwab and TD Ameritrade merged and 1,000 were let go.
• Your company changes strategic direction resulting in layoffs – Sometimes a company decides that a product or project that you are working on isn’t the best strategy for the company long term and cuts the whole team associated with it. You could be the best performer on the team and it may not matter.

Unexpected benefits

An interesting realization that I’ve made since adopting this mentality is that the focus on things that I can control has made my mind not even think about the things that aren’t in my control. I don’t have to think “I can’t make my boss give me a promotion so don’t worry about that”, it just doesn’t even enter my mind. My brain stays in problem solving and taking action mode freeing it from mental stress and anxiety.

One of the worst feelings is the feeling of being helpless. Seeing a situation in front you that you want to change but you don’t feel like you can do anything about it. Using the trichotomy of control has been a way to escape from stuck feelings of helplessness. I never get stuck because I only focus on the actions that I’m capable of controlling and therefore achieving. I know I have the power to be successful in those actions which energizes me to keep pursuing them.

Action Items:

1. Practice taking problems and situations that are complex and thinking about them in terms of what you can and can’t control. Start by making a list of things that you can control that can either solve or work to solve the problem.
2. Prioritize the things that you can control and take action on them.
3. Re-evaluation the current situation. If your action didn’t resolve the situation then repeat the process.

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What problem or situation will you try to use this method on first? Add a comment below.